As a parent of a child with AdHd, depression, anxiety, ODD, PTSD and a natural inclination towards humor and an engineering mind; life is never mundane.He is not his diagnoses; however, many people have passed judgement on me as a parent, and more importantly on him in misunderstanding-because you don’t wear your diagnoses on your forehead. Unfortunately, what many people see is societal labels like: crazy, misbehaved, weird, talks too much, like an energizer bunny, has no personal space, annoying, so rude and many other hurtful labels.

I know, because as a parent of a child with AdHd, I have thought them myself.Now stay with me, what I am NOT saying is that our son is a handful of negative labels. What I AM saying is that being a parent of a child with these diagnoses is a beautiful, yet challenging life experience. When Squizzle was 5 weeks old, he got RSV & Bronchiolitis, and he nearly died.

We were in the hospital for a week, he was fighting to get oxygen on his own, fighting for his life….and that boy had a huge smile on his face almost the entire time. As I was alone in the room, I had time to sit and introspect about why God had given me this child if he was going to take him away. I had time to pray, and pray and pray for easing of his illness and that he would be okay. 

After four days in the hospital, he had been having a really hard time and still couldn’t breathe on his own and had to stay on a higher dose of oxygen. His nurse came in to tell me that I needed to prepare myself, because he might not make it. Alone in the room, again I had time to process what she was saying; and panic and cry and get angry and then pray over my little warrior. And a very deep faith stirred in me as I asked myself, if God had freely given me His son, why wasn’t I willing to give Him mine? And I told God, “I love him so much and he is so precious to me-your Son is so precious to me-if you have to take him, I will still love you. I will still believe in your goodness and I will still be thankful”.

That evening, on the fourth day in the hospital, my beloved sunshine baby fought hard and blessedly, came off the oxygen. We were able to go home two days later. Not long after, he got another round of bronchiolitis and we were back in the hospital; this time as he was being checked they said he hadn’t gained any weight since he was born and had lost some having been ill so young; they pronounced him as a “failure to thrive”.

Once again, I found myself wondering what in the world was happening and why he was having such a hard time. We worked on getting his weight up the next few months and finally we went for a check-up and he was a healthy boy! The following month, he got a third round of bronchiolitis and went back to the hospital, this time he got diagnosed with asthma. He had to have multiple breathing treatments a day, then weekly, then gradually “as needed”. 

Through this all, he was a warrior and kept a smile on his beautiful little face. When he was two, our children experienced the trauma of sexual abuse; from a then relative not much older than they. The Victims Advocacy did not ask him questions, because he was “too little”. (Later we found out that he was included in this trauma).

From the ages of 2-4 he struggled a lot with his behavior and I wondered what in the world? This was not the normal terrible twos people talked about or that my older two children had experienced, this was much different. The doctors couldn’t give me answers and yet I knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was something they were missing. 

When he turned four, I had reached a point of exhaustion and didn’t know what to do and was desperately seeking answers to better help him so he could thrive instead of survive.We finally got answers, and the doctor called it “pre-AdHd”. Apparently, the state is not legally allowed to diagnose a child with AdHd until they are 6. So when relatives and friends questioned his behavior and I let them know what the doctors had said, many did not believe me.

When he was five, I sent him to kindergarten and there were incidents of sexual abuse between he and another boy his age, at school. That was the most horrific phone call I think I have experienced. Not only did it happen somewhere he was supposed to be safe, but right under his teachers nose in the classroom bathroom.

I pulled him from that school and as I had made the decision to “try again” with my abuser (later I will refer to this as his honeymoon stage) and moved him to a school across town, his behavior improved slightly and he started counseling. Last year, when we had DCS involved, they questioned me about his AdHd diagnosis and attempted to make it sound as though I was self-diagnosing him.

He had just turned 6 four months before DCS got involved and we had not received the “official” diagnosis, I fought to explain it to them. Midway through the DCS case, he had a psychological evaluation and they provided multiple diagnoses, the ones which I listed at the start.

I share all of this, because part of his diagnoses came from the experience of DCS being involved and partly because of complications added to his AdHd. The type of order that was done was a private petition, meaning they came with police and removed the children from the home, then started an investigation, then went through the court process. Where they either prove you guilty of their accusations or you fight to get your children back and prove your innocence.

If at any time you do not comply and cooperate with what is required of you, you can permanently lose your children. Our youngest two were removed and placed in what is called kinship foster. Praises to God that I have very close friends who are family and took them in; without this option, they go to foster homes and are 9 times out of 10 separated. 

Our boys were in kinship foster for 7 months. At which time you begin the process of first not being able to see or communicate with them at all, then gradually, if DCS finds it appropriate- they add supervised visitations-which begin at their office in a room with a monitor. Gradually they add out-of-office visitations during the week of one to two hours at a time and then if you progress well and they don’t see any issues, they will gradually increase the amount of visits.

During this time, there is a court appointed safety monitor that is assigned for you and your children, they are the ones that pick your children up from kinship foster to your visit and then return them after. At the end of our visits, my boys would sob as they were gently forced to leave with this person and leave me standing there.

There is a lot of deep trauma that happens in this process. From being removed from their home alone by the police, taken somewhere where they are told they cannot see or talk to their parent(s), asked oh so many questions, come and go to visits with someone they have never met before but are now riding in a vehicle with…their are issues of abandonment, anger, mistrust, grief, fear among many others.

Add to this that they were 3 and 6, had begun learning stranger danger and were now in a world where everything was confidential and they were told they had to trust and not know why. Our little sunshine baby having AdHd, comes with many faceted complexities that are unseen but make it even more of a challenge. Some of these are impulse control, emotional dysregulation, negative self image and inner voice, and anxiety. When they came home last October, a year ago tomorrow, we had begun the long road of recovery and healing from all the trauma. 

He is an amazing young man, and through all that he has been through he has kept a smile on his face and continues to love on others and forgive quickly. I tell him that he is a warrior of love for God, that I believe his purpose is to shine Gods’ light and love on all those whom he sees and to remind the world that there is hope.That even tragedy has not dampened his light. These are the encouraging messages we all need to hear and be reminded of. 

Not all days are sunshine and rainbows. This journey of AdHd is not for the faint hearted. In his impulsiveness, many unkind things have been said and in my frustration I am no different. At the end of the day, we hug it out and remind one another that we love each other and carry on.

The day to days include multiple medication reminders on my phone for him, helping him stay focused on his time management with his remote schoolwork, reminders for his zoom meetings, talking him down from some impulsive actions, stepping between the boys as they argue passionately for their own stances and it gets physical, holding him as he cries, let him storm off to his room in frustration when he is not allowed to do things that he wants to do (because they would cause him or someone else harm or break something). 

They also include building puzzles together, working alongside one another on our property, hearing all his silly jokes, giving him a bajillion hugs, coloring or drawing pictures, watching movies, answering ( and often researching) all his questions and listening to his amazing story telling. He needs someone who will stand for him, to have his back. His dad and I do just that, while holding him accountable to his actions and not allowing him to use his diagnoses as an excuse to not be a decent member of society; but to learn his strengths and weaknesses and to harness them and improve. It is a roller coaster I never want to get off of.

Whatever diagnoses you or your children have, it is always best to advocate for them and yourselves and to get the help you need. There is always a deeper purpose and a perspective we often miss because we sit too close to the bigger picture to make out what it is. We have a resources page on our site that has several listings, and while many are Arizona based, because that is where we are-there are many National services listed as well. Keep going <3 You are not alone!!