In January of this year, I made a new years’ resolution to lose the weight I have so desperately needed to lose for the last 30 years of my life. I lost 17 of those pounds, and then as the hardships with squizzle and wallybingbong intensified and we were still finishing the remainder of court hearings from last years’ nightmare, then the pandemic hit and threw us all for a loop; they piled back on- and then some!
I had made a “goal” on paper, but I didn’t fully commit my whole mind & soul to the life change that was required to make that resolution long lasting. The first part of it is digging down into the depths of oneself and really pulling out ALL the things that have caused oneself to gain the weight and to let it stay there. I have tried lots of diets, programs, exercise routines and whatnot to attempt to lose the weight-and it always came back. Like a “Yo-Yo” they call it.
As I have been working through all of my trauma and childhood abuse the last (almost) 5 years, I have deeply unrooted the issues and the lies I had allowed myself to believe about myself and the circumstances I found myself in. I laid it all out in front of myself so I couldn’t disagree, blame someone else or make any excuses that could stand. Acceptance of where I was, and what had gotten me there. For me, it was a really poor coping technique I had created as a child and carried on throughout my life- emotional eating. Instead of facing the challenges that represented, my mind shut them down and numbed them with food.
The second part of making a solid change is really deep introspection on why I chose to continue doing it, and what choices I had not been changing that had led to all the failures beforehand. I started out this year accepting that I had gained the weight, but I still wanted to blame it on my past experiences and abuse; to cast it aside as a residual effect that wasn’t “mine”. The problem with that, is that it leads to a Victim Mentality and it doesn’t allow us to truly face and own our part. It is absolutely crucial for long lasting change to be ready to own where you are and be willing to take the steps to make the change.
I have faced several health issues the last 5 years. The combined effects of Chronic Stress and being Obese. I didn’t want to believe that it was that simple, I wanted to try and fix all the other symptoms of the stress and the weight; but thankfully I have an amazing doctor who has guided me through all of it and continued to express to me that if you don’t start by addressing the underlying issue, the symptoms won’t go away. I had started addressing the issues deep underneath, and realized that I was self-sabotaging my attempts at succeeding with my weight loss journey. Let me just say, you cannot make a true and solid change until you get your whole being on board with the decision to change.
Mind, Body, Soul. I was out of balance and so I continued waffling with the ability to make the healthy decisions required to make progress. I share all this because I will be making posts throughout my weight loss journey. I officially started my journey on October 16th, 2020. I did this by doing something I had heard a few friends do, which was to make a commitment to myself-a promise-that I would care for my body and have self love and respect.
To make the commitment to stop sugar, caffeine and refined carbs-all of which had caused my body to suffer with excess fat, inflammation, pain, and has affected multiple systems; Mental, emotional, endocrine, respiratory, cardiac, and has caused my nerves to misfire. So I am a newbie again on this journey- but this time, it lasts. My doctor challenged me to lose 10lbs by my December follow up; but I know I have a Cardiologist appointment in November-and I need a huge improvement in my health. Extra vulnerable moment, I started at 263lbs-which is the most I have ever weighed outside of having my first child, 12 years ago.
In addition to making a nutritional commitment to myself, I have been watching my amazing husband make himself a physical commitment to work out everyday-and he is doing so amazing that it has inspired me to make that commitment as well- so I have made a nutritional commitment to eat clean, healthy, whole foods & to work on improving my hydration and I have made a physical commitment to to work out everyday. With this combination, I am already down 11lbs. This is just the beginning of my health journey- but it is another step in my recovery.
If you’re still with me, I challenge you! To make a commitment to yourself to break a bad habit or negative coping technique that has been holding you back-by replacing it with a healthy habit or positive coping skill. I challenge you to 3 months of consistent work on that-because it takes 21 days to make a new habit. You got this! You are not alone!!
