Poppa Gnome and I have picked up the tradition of picking a word for the incoming year. Something to focus on, a self-goal to reach for- so to speak, and as we approach this new year I realize that I cannot recall our words for this current year of 2020. But, even more interesting is that I place a word on it that I think fits; not just our family but potentially many. A word that I don’t think I would ever have initially chosen, because normally I like to think of uplifting, positive words and this one has always had a negative connotation for me, until now. That word is Lament. To lament is a passionate expression of grief, or sorrow- to mourn.
Even though as a society, and maybe even in our childhood families, we have been conditioned not to accept lament or grief of any type as “normal” or “good”- but like it or not, it is a necessary function in our lives. Psychology Today has shared that lamentation is about release. An emotional release of the painful emotions we tend to squash down and/or avoid altogether. Emotions such as: fear, doubt, bewilderment, anger, shame, guilt, and even sadness.
Even the Bible tells us that there is a time for everything in its own season. Time for things to happen and time for us to let go. This means letting go of the negative emotions we have for what we have experienced. And I don’t mean “let it go” like forget it happened or act like everything is “fine”. What I mean is to allow those emotions to come up and out and allow the release of them to provide you true, spiritual healing.
A Time for Everything
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV
This has been a challenging thing for me to learn growing up as an emotional stuffer, numbing things to avoid feeling them or pushing them down/back to attempt to push past it. I was told a wonderful saying about this a few years back that I remember oh so clearly even now, “If you keep pushing everything down, eventually so much pressure is going to build up and it will come flying up and out like a beach ball out of the water and you won’t be able to contain the splash of where it goes or who it lands on.”
I think this is a crucial thing to understand about our inner turmoil and the unchecked emotions we try to shove past. Too many a time throughout the years my emotional beach ball has come flying out and the negative backsplash has run amok and landed on a great many people. Like a broken dish, you cannot undo that.
I think it wise to reflect on what is happening, and be okay with the process of grieving the loss. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, a home, and/or even a dream. A loss is a loss and nobody can tell you how long to grieve for, or whether or not it is worth grieving for.
But to choose to respond as if the loss does not affect you or change your life view in any way most definitely will halt your healing process and your ability to respond soundly to future events.
For those of you like myself, putting yourself last and eventually forgetting about your well being in the process of looking out for others; just remember- in order to be able to help someone else, you have to put your oxygen mask on first.
Lauri, we are glad to hear that you found value in this article. We’re glad to have you.