So I did a thing yesterday, and it was terrible! As I have shared before, I struggle with emotional eating and when I do, it’s food that isn’t good for me. On the 16th of October I quit. All sugars, caffeine, gluten and processed food. Yesterday, my emotions won. My husband and I had Panda for dinner, with a soda pop and Culvers for dessert. Immediately after, and through-out today, I have regretted it. 

I was lucky not to have a horrid time detoxing off of all of it, and I haven’t really missed it. I know without a doubt that my overwhelm and sadness that triggered this episode would have been better off resolved by a solid cry session and a mommy break; but I chose to resolve it with unhealthy food “because I can”. (And because it was a convenient, easier option)

Doing so alleviated the negative emotions for about 20 minutes (the time spent consuming said food), and then slowly unraveled into icky symptoms and remembering very clearly why I made the decision to avoid all of that in the first place. This is emotions for you. They don’t care about your goals or your progress, your livelihood or your relationships. Emotions can be beastly.

For me, this equates to not having solid self-control. Growing up, I don’t know that I would have really classified myself as not having great self-control….but I understand that’s where I’m at now that I have spent some solid time in introspection. I have also learned to become informed with the how and the why, as best I can.

To get further into it, Gut bacteria as well as neurological chemicals combined can have a huge impact on our physiological well being. Gut microbiome as well as Dopamine play a large role in how our body processes what we take in and when they are in good standing, they can help alleviate stress, anxiety and depression–when they are not, they can exacerbate them.

What are Gut microbiomes might you ask? Well, I have learned that they consist of trillions of bacteria cells and reside in our colon. They speak to our brain and during times of stress, tunnel the interactions through a filter of what will keep us safe from danger and shut off non-essential activities that our bodies do. One of these activities is releasing anti-inflammatory molecules into our system and protecting our gut lining. Due to this process, toxins and bad bacteria get into our system and alter our immune system; allowing pathogens and infections.

“Communication between gut and brain is bidirectional, but messages sent from the gut to the brain are much stronger than those from the brain down.

As a very rough guide, the calmer and more balanced things are in the gut, (i.e. good intestinal barrier integrity, good diversity of bugs, lower inflammation, etc.), the more positive mental health outcomes tend to be.”

https://atlasbiomed.com/blog/stress-anxiety-depression-microbiome/

As if that wasn’t enough, did you know that sugar is actually an addiction? We have several neurological chemicals that work together in our brains; Dopamine is the one that is considered the brain’s “pleasure and reward” chemical.Our brains utilize our dopamine stores to reward survival behaviors with feelings of happiness and pleasure thus encouraging those behaviors to be continued.

 “Over time, the brain loses its ability to produce its own dopamine and depends on substances to create it. This is how addiction happens.” (https://wellnessretreatrecovery.com/sugar-and-dopamine-link-sweets-addiction/)

Our brains release high levels of dopamine after consuming sugary treats and trick our brains into believing that consumption of sugary things is beneficial to us, because it has helped us to “survive”. Over time, we become dependent on our consumption in order to feel happy/pleased- this is the addiction. Because this process creates an addiction to sugar, it can also lead to withdrawal symptoms and make quitting sugar intake so challenging (This process similarly happens with Alcohol and Illicit drugs).

Are y’all hearing me when I say Sugar Addiction? It is no joke. I have been doing research on it for awhile. Because I could not wrap my mind around why it was so challenging for me when I know it is unhealthy for me, and doesn’t lead to positive results. It makes me feel calm and happy for the amount of time it takes to consume it–and then reality sets back in, along with feelings of shame and guilt for falling back into it.

Those of us in Recovery will call this a Relapse into our unwanted habits/behaviors. True statement, last night I relapsed on my sugar addiction after 20 days without it. It is said that 21 days make a habit, and I committed to 3 months at least. I know this does not make me a failure, it makes me aware that in order to succeed at overcoming this challenge, I need to continue investing myself in the process and stay true to it.

Last night I gained 4 pounds. I can tell you, with a sugar and carb hangover today, that it was SO NOT worth it. I feel gross, my body is angry at me and I haven’t eaten anything yet today because my body doesn’t even know what’s happening. The silver lining in this, is that I do believe I have made great progress and will continue back on my journey and this will be a stepping stone to get where I want to be.

This is where I mentioned healthy self-care choices before, because when we want to get rid of a bad habit and rewire our brains to think positively- we first have to replace it with a healthy habit. Otherwise, our bad habit will return and many times bigger and uglier.

The other side of this ugly habit is emotionally numbing so that I shut down the process of dealing with the hard emotions of what happened. That is a terrible idea, and one I had been doing so well at discontinuing; but life. Life recently has been a bit challenging in parenting our young gnomes with histories of trauma, and in trying to remain unaffected and calm, I started numbing again and then because that bites one in the hiney…that led to the emotional eating.

I am aware of what I need to do to correct this, but I want to share that if you also are dealing with these bad habits that keep making a mess of things for you-you are not alone! Become aware, accept that there is a problem and work to figure out the solution for you. Everyone is unique in that. Life is hard enough as it is without us adding unnecessary complexities to it.