In May of 2018, I wrote about my personal confusion between exhortations versus expectations. I had been doing a study on exhortations and how they are encouragement for others, an emphatic communication of doing what is right and good. Expectations are our own personal beliefs that someone will or ought to do what we believe they should do. I heard this incredible quote a few weeks ago, I can’t recall who wrote it; but I can tell you it stuck with me.

“Stop expecting yourself from others.”

I got confused between expectations and exhortations; as if my expectations ought to have been the driving force behind why people chose their words and actions?! I used to believe that if they did what was expected, that their lives would have been easier (as well as mine by proximity). This was especially challenging for me with my exes, because when it came down to it, I had unfairly held them up to my expectations and had those unrealistic expectations reeling around them since day one.

Why I continued struggling with that concept for so many years while knowing subconsciously that it not only did not work well for those around me, nor myself, is beyond me. I have done a few devotionals over the years about emotional self-control and they always resonate; let me tell you the level of conviction they bring to me can only be described as divine- unfortunately the lessons don’t stick easily and I do internal renovations with the good Lord often. 

I have lost my composure with the discrepancy my perspective reveals; and then have had to process through the amends and the regrets amidst the conviction of knowing my unrealistic expectations are mine. I often have had to remind myself that exhortations are a means of persuading others to reach higher, yet my perspective is not theirs and I cannot guarantee that they are meant to align with what others are purposed for. It’s a legit reality reminder that the only person who needs to be focused on my perspective is myself and whether I am determined enough and focused enough to follow through on that is mine alone. It is also safe to say that living to meet the expectations of others is along the same lines; a mammoth problem.

The intense challenge I still face with this, is parenthood. Because we have five children of varying ages who all have their own unique life perspectives that have been colored by their experiences–and we SO do not always align on perspectives. We believe that it is of the utmost importance to raise them to be autonomous and having an appropriate level of self-control. Having had a history of childhood trauma we both struggle with that as well; so we all wind up teaching one another in this season. We all wind up seeing and having introspection of views we need to weigh and consider and we learn how to communicate our beliefs in a way that does lift one another up.

I believe the largest aspect of this is making certain that our biggest belief is upheld, and that is our belief in God and all of our children growing up are being provided as solid of a relationship and a knowledge as possible so that they have a firm foundation to grow with and are not dependent on others to provide that for them.

Where do you sit with your expectations? Do they lift yourself and others up, encourage a rising up-or do they drag in a downward spiral?